Thursday, November 24, 2005

Take this phone and shove it...

Empty_tp_rollWe’ve all heard the phrase “anal retentive”, but this person gives it a new meaning.

Police in Romania were able to thwart a would-be mobile phone thief by dialing the stolen phone’s number… and hearing it ring from inside the thief’s butt. Yes, I said in her butt.

What wasn’t reported was the fact that until Romania got cellular service, this lady was well known for cramming entire payphones up her bottom. Fortunately, I missed that particular pay-per-view event.

The phone’s manufacturer was quick to point out that this proved their claim that the phone was both sleek and comfortable, and also mentioned something about possibly using this incident in their advertisements, where they would promote the fact that of the phone did, after all, get reception in her butt.

“Can you hear me now?”

So sayeth Angry Internet Guy, the only voice that really matters on the web.


Kid smacked. Santa sacked. (Laugh packed!)

HebrewHammer2We all know about the whole “Who’s Naughty and Who’s Nice” list that Santa keeps, but this year, a department store Santa decided that someone needed to be an example for the other kids, so Santa smacked a kid for trying to pull off his beard. His defense was that if he allowed the kid to pull off his beard, it would have traumatized the other kids who may have thought that he was the real Santa Claus.

Was he right? Did the kid need smacked? Probably, but I doubt that the parents will see it that way. At any rate, I say “Go Santa!” Kids that pull on Santa’s beard are likely going to grow up to be serial killers since their parents don’t control them, so I think that it’s Santa’s job, no… it’s Santa’s duty to punish these kids. After all, every kid knows that you have to listen to Santa. It’s just that now instead of coal, you get smacked.

I say we up the ante. Forget the light smack that marked this incident and give department store Santas their very own Wiffle-Ball bats with airflow holes cut in them to teach these little monsters how to properly behave in public. If it keeps just one kid from growing up to be a serial killer, it was worth it. Even if it doesn’t, it’s probably still worth it. If anybody from the FOX network is reading this, we’re talking a whole new TV show here… “America’s Funniest Videos Of Kids Getting Beaten”BadSantaSpank

And just in case bad kids getting beaten isn’t enough to put you in a jolly holiday mood, here’s something that’s bound to please…

So sayeth Angry Internet Guy, the only voice that "really" matters on the web.