Friday, November 25, 2005

Did he make the right choice?

Be afraid. Be very afraid.On behalf of all guys, I’ll admit it – we’ve all joked about how our wife or girlfriend can nag. Sometimes it’s a simple distraction and sometimes it’s downright annoying, but this guy really has it bad.

An Algerian man named Ahmed Salhi, 24, was sentenced to a nine month curfew at home with his Italian wife in Ferrara, northern Italy. A week later, he went back to court and actually begged the judge to send him to prison for the remainder of his sentence rather than having to stay at home and hear her constant nagging.

I suppose that if here were to think of the things that he was thankful for, the first thing that would come to mind would be the peace and quiet of jail. There’s certainly no noise there. Second, I imagine that he’s really thankful that he isn’t a bigamist.

I’ve come up with a couple of suggestions for how to handle this particular issue, starting And on, and on, and on...with the good old fashioned gag. it’s not exatly high-tech, but it’s easy to use and it certainly gets the job done. If you feel uncomfortable shopping for a nice gag like this in the nasty-nasty online stores, a roll of Duct Tape will suffice – at least until she chews through it.

Be prepared for flying pots and pans, as they will likely be whizzing towards your head any second now. Fortunately, flying pots and pans don’t make any noise to bother you until they actually smack you in the head.

There’s also the less drastic method. It isn’t quite as effective as the gag or the Duct Tape, but it’s actually kinda fun. (Plus you’re far less likely to get Dogbert - solver of all the world's problemskicked in the jewels by your jewel…) Print this picture on a nice sturdy card stock and simply use it like a flash card whenever she starts a sentence with the phrase, “And another thing…”

With any luck, she’ll see the humor in it and give you a break for a few minutes. Of course, after she sees that you left the toilet seat up, tossed your socks on the floor, made a huge mess in the kitchen while foraging for TV snacks, spilled beer on the sofa, and completely didn’t notice her new hairstyle, you’ll be back in trouble, but at least the flashcard should give you time to finish the last few minutes of whatever sporting event you’re watching. (Or a head start in case you really screwed up like coming home with lipstick on your collar and she just hasn’t found it yet.)

So sayeth Angry Internet Guy, the only voice that really matters on the web.