Angry Internet Guy

Why we haven't "won" the war on terror yet

Angry Internet Guy usually has a lot to say about George Bush and his tactics. Typically, they're along the lines of "Bush is an idiot" or "Bush has his head up his ass" or "Bush is dumber than a box of rocks... even if the box held nothing but retarded rocks." Well, this time, I have something else to say about Dubya.

When it comes to fighting terrorism, Bush is totally missing the f**king point. And it isn't because he's stupid... It's simply because their views are too foreign for him (and most of America) to fully grasp. Don't take this the wrong way, but we (as a nation) generally aren't as committed to our beliefs as they are to theirs. I mean, when is the last time that someone in this country was willing to accept death rather than say that maybe their religious beliefs were wrong?

Fortunately, we don't have that sort of persecution anymore (at least not to that extent), and maybe that's partially responsible for the issues we now deal with in the Middle East. When we were a country full of Puritans (aka - our extremist ancestors), we had no problem killing someone for practicing beliefs other than the mainstream. It wasn't right, but it was how we lived.

Bush makes a big deal about chasing down one or two particular leaders, such as Osama Bin Laden, but either this is for the benefit of the media or he simply doesn't seem to see the big picture. Capturing or killing Bin Laden won't make a bit of difference. There are 100 guys ready to step in and take over... and these guys WANT to be martyrs.

Here is a recruitment advertisement that runs weekly in the hardline (aka - fanatical) publication Parto Sokhan. It translates roughly to:

In the Name of God, the Most High

“Martyrdom-seeking operations embody the pinnacle of a nation’s greatness and the apex of its epics”

His Eminence the Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei

Statement for Recruitment of Martyrdom-seeking Forces

In order to achieve all-round readiness against the enemies of Islam and the sacred Islamic Republic and to protect the foundations of Islam, the Lovers of Martyrdom Garrison plans to organise “a martyrdom-seeking division” for each province in the country from the martyrdom-seeking and brave popular forces of that province and give them specific and specialised training. We therefore request all our pious brothers and sisters, who are committed and determined to defend Islam, if willing, to submit two photographs of themselves, a copy of their identity cards, and the filled-in application form below to the following address, so that preparations for their organisation and training could begin:
P.O. BOX (REMOVED IN CASE ANY TOWEL-HEADS OWNERS GET ANY IDEAS...), Tehran

It should be noted that for the forces of the martyrdom-seeking division from each province, the training and preparations for martyrdom-seeking operations will be implemented in that province.

The advertisement then continues with what basically amounts to a job application.

I, ……………, son/daughter of ………… ID number………… Date of Birth …………Address:
…………………………………………… Telephone: ……………………
Request membership in the Martyrdom-seeking Division in the province of
…………..

Signature: ……………

How do you fight an enemy who can fill out an application to become a suicide bomber as casually as if it were a job application for McDonalds? Well, Angry Internet Guy has a couple of ideas...

1. Bye-Bye.
Just bomb the crap out of the whole area. Stop worrying about the "innocents" because, quite frankly, they're not our friends. That school is full of kids who want to grow up to be not firemen or astronauts, but terrorists, or at the very least, anti-American folks who will cheer when something bad happens to us. A couple of MOABs and the problem goes away permanently. Kill 'em all, and let Allah sort 'em out.

2. Cut off their money factory.
Stop buying our oil from them. Ok, I know this will result in higher prices at the pump, but at least we wouldn't be handing them money that they're going to launder and use against us. I mean, it isn't as if we don't have the technology to build an electric car. I'm not even a scientist, and I have designed a concept motor that not only runs on electricity and magnetism, but continually produces a surplus of electricity that could easily be siphoned from the car into your house. Save the planet while at the same time cutting our electric bill. If -I- can come up with this, then surely the brainiacs in Detroit can come up with something even better.

3. Close the borders.
This should have been done years ago, but politics got in the way. Why are we worried about the Mexicans coming into this country illegally when we ought to be focused on the fact that we're letting Arabs into this country legally... and then TEACHING THEM TO BE ENGINEERS?

4. Lose the politically-correct crap.
We live in a country where we're told that we have to not only tolerate others, but that we also have to be nice to them. WTF? If we're at war with a group of people who wear towels on their heads, then for crying out loud... kick everybody with a towel on their head the hell out of this country. If they remove their towels (or otherwise renounce their beliefs), then they can stay because they're clearly not die-hard extremists, because the extremists wouldn't dream of doing such a thing. If they refuse to do so, they're deported. Period. It isn't the prettiest solution, but it solves the immediate issue of having these sleeper cells living right here in our backyards.

5. Elect a president that doesn't claim to be getting his orders directly from God.
First of all, Bush isn't working for God. Assuming there is a God, he wouldn't have hired Bush to do his bidding. I'm sure that God could have found someone with a slightly higher intellect that wouldn't make Him look bad.

6. Stop pretending that we're still a God-fearing nation.
The extremists aren't fighting against capitalism. They're fighting against the idea that America is a God-fearing nation, as compared to their Allah-fearing beliefs. Why is this? I mean, our television is full of sex, drugs, and violence... hardly religious in nature. But our official stance, despite all of the "separation of church and state" is that we do what God tells us to do. If we are going to be a God-fearing nation, then fine... do what God says. But if we're going to be a nation of blatant heathens (which we pretty much are...), then stop pretending to believe otherwise. It's the hypocrisy that pisses off the rest of the world. Well, that and the fact that our government likes to try and tell other countries how they have to live, and how they have to treat their citizens. Hey, it's their country. If they want to mistreat their citizens, who gives a rat's ass?

Angry Internet Guy isn't anti-American. If we are attacked and I see an opposing military heading towards my town, you'd better believe that I'd be outside killing them like it was a video game. But if it's on the other side of the planet, and (aside from the radicals) they're leaving us alone, then screw 'em. If they want to live in a backwards society, I say let 'em. But I damn sure don't want my tax dollars paying for their education so that they can learn how to hurt us. Kill 'em or kick 'em out. It's all very much the same to me, but let's just get it the hell over with one way or the other, shall we?

So sayeth Angry Internet Guy, the only voice that really matters.

posted by thejake420 @ 3:22 PM